Wrapped Day 1 (of 2) of my (last) HD Thesis shoot. It was really difficult, and I can’t say that I liked it at all. But my crew was great as per usual. Having to Direct, Produce, DP, and Camera Operate a film where the principal actor is a 5 year old boy, isn’t fun at all. The person who was supposed to produce this bailed on me, my camera operator is out of town, and I felt like I was going to lose my mind. Today I have my favourite AD and my dear friend Mark is going to camera operate for me today so it should go more smoothly.
Let me be honest with you all…I’m so beyond burnt out and mentally checked out that these thesis films are becoming more and more painful to shoot. I have lost my will to be a cinematographer…but I have to keep telling myself that the “real world” (whatever that is) isn’t going to be like this at all. I won’t have to scramble around and do everything on my own.
I don’t do all these things because I’m a control freak, I do it because when it comes down to it, people who bail on me and are unreliable just double my workload. I’m just grateful that I had Joe, Kevin, Martha, Raman, my parents and Elliot to keep me sane yesterday.
It’s hard to keep wanting to do things like this when every bone in your body aches and your mind is (for thousands of) miles away.
